LANA
What did you do? What did you DO!?
Lana rocked herself back and forth as the high left. The body on the ground was covered in blood; multiple stab wounds piercing his body. She had completed the job. Lana had found the hit man, but her stomach knotted at her loss of control. She had over killed again- and worse, she loved it every time. The warmth and smell of blood, how it felt on her hands and face. The agony and fear in her target’s eyes. The absolute control she had over them.
Then something would call to her, and this time, it was the young woman who had sought help in the first place. “Are you alright?” she had asked. It was as though she was second guessing Lana for taking care of the man she knew had been hired to kill her.
“Of course I’m alright!” Lana snapped, but as she looked at the twenty something year old, the excitement vanished. The shock and concern etched in the woman’s face formed a pit in her stomach. It was a look Dr. Tomlund would give her when he questioned her sanity.
Lana could feel her hand clenched tightly around her dagger and slowly she returned her gaze to her kill. The once handsome face was unrecognizable.
What did you do!?
After backing away a few paces, Lana glared back at the woman and as though she could feel her judgement upon her said, “I saved you didn’t I? What does it matter?”
The young lady opened her mouth to say something, but stopped herself. She was full of questions and it annoyed Lana. “Aren’t you a little young?” she asked when Lana showed up. “Does it matter if you’re still alive in the end?” Lana retorted. Thankfully the young woman didn’t try to further interrogate Lana and tossed a pouch of coins toward her before leaving.
Lana slumped into a corner. The blood was becoming cold and sticky. The smell began to make her nauseous. Why she continued to stab the man Lana didn’t know. Nor was it the first time she found herself in that state.
When she had killed Barut, it was easy to brush off the torture as revenge for what he had done to her and Rin. She was angry, livid, and hurt. But it didn’t stop. The thought of taking a life began to dance in her dreams, a replay of killing Barut over and over and over again. But then new faces seeped in. The Hags, her father- Kraig, Sylis, Emma, Dr. Tomlund, Jessie, and even Rin. Lana would see herself mad or pitying them and would unleash her daggers and fire upon them.
Everytime, she’d wake in a sweat. Three weeks she endured the increasingly persistent dreams before they leaked into daydreams. It was a week after that when she purposefully cut Sylis during a sparring match in a moment of frustration.
“It’s okay Babygirl,” he had said, though Lana stared numbly at the wound, “You were just a little too exuberant. Good thing you’ve been working with Faela. You can patch this up easily, right?”
The inside of Lana turned to ice. She was glad Sylis didn’t question her behavior, nor her poor bandaging skills. Her mind was a lit trying to figure out what was wrong with her and how she’d weasel out of her lying about Faela.
Still, her new interest in death was enough to make her want to shut down, to give up and act recklessly. She had no more control and every time she tried to, it felt as though she lost more of herself. However, Lana was too scared to admit it. She had done her time at Dr. Tomlund’s Asylum for Young Girls and if she gave up, she’d likely be sent to prison or the adult institution. That was the last thing Lana would ever want again: to be locked up and unable to be her own person.
She looked at the bloody dagger in her hand. There was some hope that resonated in her. Whether it was blind optimism or actual ability, there was something about the situation that gave her hope she’d be able to manage her new addiction. As long as she could continue to keep the murders within the means of her contracts for the guild, Lana would be able to legally kill whenever the urge came and the job was present.
That fact came to her attention when Rasuvius posted a notice to kill a spy. Lana asked if she could take the job and the guild master gave her permission to act solo. Part of her didn’t like the idea of becoming a hit man, the continual war within about if she should or shouldn’t kill, but after completing the job, she felt free. Her nights were dreamless and the days without the constant nag. For the first time in weeks, Lana didn’t notice exposed necks, turned backs, or isolated folks everywhere she walked. Rin’s and Sylis’s heartbeats weren’t tempting whispers that begged to be silenced.
But it never lasted. The temptation came back and before she knew it, she was elbows deep in blood and ecstasy. Then the guilt would wash over her as clarity returned. Guilt for having been so brutal and aggressive. No one deserved torture.
Once more Lana was left feeling sick. There was so much blood all over her so she began to use her magics to clean herself up. As she did that, she began to remind herself that she had rid the world of another evil and was another step closer to being free of her debt. A mental montage that eased the guilt. Once the debt was paid, she would leave the guild and the life of it behind.
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