Chapter 5: The Manifestation of Van

Chapter 5 The Manifestation of Van

Once more Sin did not stay. By morning I could hear Alysin’s mind dreaming away with her usual optimism and fears. At the time, I wasn’t sure whether to assume a good night sleep was what let Alysin regain control, but I had a hunch and felt somewhat at ease knowing Alysin may never truly be gone.

That next morning Alysin tended more to the gash on her elbow. As she cared for it, she also took a moment to work on changing the bandage on her hand. Interestingly enough, her hand was perfectly healed. She marveled at the new skin, no sign of a burn anywhere to be seen. She hadn’t pondered long when she remembered the sorcerer purposely shaking her bandaged hand.

With that revelation, Alysin wondered if she could produce that same sort of magic. Then began the 3 days of experimenting. She even tried focusing on me once she realized my lack of interest in hunting. There was little success... well at least if there was it was so minimal that by day three of her attempts during her downtime, both our wounds were significantly better. Minor pain lingered for a few more days for her and about another week for me.

Despite the less than successful healing attempts, it didn’t stop her from trying. Every time her father or step-mother hurt her she would take that as an opportunity to try, well that is when Sin didn’t manifest. Only when the pain was too intense did she come. And boy was her personality exhausting. Sin was insistent on being miserable and let alone strived to make those around her miserable too.  Thankfully every morning Alysin did come back.

Unfortunately after the incident on Alysin’s 8th birthday, Othello has distanced himself from his sister. Sin was right about how Davin apologized to his son, but threatened his boy he’d kick him out of the house half dead if he caught him treating her any better than what she was, a murderer. Once more the choice between her or his father proved too difficult for him. He began to avoid Alysin, not wanting to endure his father’s wrath nor her longing and lonely eyes.

This greatly affected Alysin.I wanted to hate him. Just days before Othello mentioned how his grandmother had told him he was the best thing for her. Now here he was failing Alysin in every way.

Before I knew it, adolescence was on the horizon. At age 10 I could hear in her head, ‘if only I was more like a boy, maybe father would see me as someone stronger and not so weak.” I would do my best to reason with her that such a thing was silly, that nothing was wrong with who she was. But my advice unfortunately wasn’t being heard.

I began to teach her to hunt. She insisted that that would be a useful skill for her to learn any how. Compared to the first time I had gone hunting with her before becoming her familiar, she was worlds better. She could understand my thoughts in what to do and how to do it. We were united in every step, in every breath, and every thought.

2 more years pass of us hunting and Alysin trying to emulate her brother. She was quite good at using her invisibility to stake out a spot and wait for the game to come to us. She got particularly good at throwing knives, though all she had to use was the ones she was able to take from the kitchen unnoticed.

She actually began to learn how to levitate items when she began to find Mayrid in the kitchen more and more (she most likely suspected Alysin to be running off with them). Alysin would clean some dishes and try to have polite conversation with Mayrid who would watch her closely. If only she was paying attention to the knives behind her that were being levitated into the other room.

Despite how well we could hunt together, hunger was still ever prominent. Fewer and fewer meals are eaten at the table with the family and all the food was carefully portioned out and marked so Davin could make sure no one was sneaking any extra helpings. I would have thought the whole family was destitute to starvation, but it was clearly a way for Davin to try and starve his daughter.

It was the fall of Alysin’s 14th year. I woke up to the pale morning light and noticed Alysin putting on a completely new outfit. It was old clothes Othello use to wear when he was 11 or so. Apparently  Alysin had hid them many years back, thinking she could experiment with them to make a new dress. However it would seem her experiments have taken a new meaning.

Why are you wearing that? I asked. Alysin glanced my way and smiled.

You like it? I feel more confident in this, she replied as she finished buttoning the vest, Just think how much more silently and faster I’ll be able to maneuver, how much warmer I’ll be too, while we go hunting! I stretched on the bed before going over to her leg and rubbing my scent on the new outfit.

You still smell like a girl you know?

I know I’m a girl still, silly, but I also feel like I might be taken more seriously trying to be a boy. Maybe I should cut my hair?

I felt my hair raise on my back at the thought. Alysin laughed and assured me she had no intentions of cutting it.

Alysin, I began, trying to be more serious, why must you try to be a boy?

You know Jiji, Alysin responded coolly. I sat down looking up at her. My how she’s grown. He must be over 5 feet tall. Her hair was half way down her back, dark brown and as curly as ever. It was nice seeing her in something newer than the old dress she’s had forever.

It just doesn’t seem like you. Keep the clothes, but remember who you are, I said.

I know who I am Jiji, Alysin chuckled back. Yet her thoughts and eyes could hide the slight amount of doubt she held inside as to how her appearance would be received though her intentions were good, All this could quite possibly change is my Dad’s view on me. I think I look stronger, less vulnerable. I’m tired of being thought less of and made fun of for who I am. I just need my outward appearance to make a stronger statement.

You are strong. Don’t forget that, I reminded her. And I was being honest. She was tough. She had years and years of toughening up. I don’t understand why her father is such a weak spot in her psyche though. She still desired his love and acceptance of her.

Alysin finished tucking in her shirt, pulled her hair around her shoulders then looked at me to make sure I was still invisible. I jumped onto her shoulders and we both went down stairs.

Alysin started to prepare breakfast she knew she wouldn’t eat. Pretty soon Mayrid came to join her, first checking to make sure no extra food, besides what was being used to make breakfast, was missing. Alysin, in her usual happy personality, said good morning to her stepmother. Mayrid barely mumbled back the same.

The woman has aged over the recent 5 years greatly. Gray hair has tarnished her deep brown locks. She has thinned surprisingly, her cheekbones looking more rigid. She looked like the bitter woman she was versus the seductive woman Jiji saw when he had first met her. If anything, I pitied Mayrid for she trusted a man who still hasn’t stopped mourning 13 years later.

Othello and Davin came into the room. One would have thought Davin was in a good mood today with how he talked to his boy, but one glance at Alysin sent a chill through the room. Othello tensed at the sight of his sister. He truly filled out. Being 18 now, he helps out at the butcher shop in town.  He, too, is a decent hunter with a fine crafted bow and arrows. But despite Othello’s manly appearance, the little boy who was too scared to protect his sister was ever evident in his eyes.

“Where are your clothes Alysin?” Davin asked.

“I’m wearing them,” Alysin responded. Her father shook his head.

“No, those are Othello’s old clothes. Go put your dress on like a good girl.”

“Why does it matter that I wear a dress?” Davin’s jaw tightened and he leaned in threateningly.

“Because I expect my daughter to dress decently and not like a fool in the other gender’s outfits,” he hissed. This was actually stereotypical opinion of his. A way to oppress his daughter.

“I thought you might like me looking more confident and strong.”

Davin looked at her and laughed. A rush of embarrassment swept over Alysin. Her father continued to laugh and soon I could hear her thoughts wishing she hadn’t had the crazy idea to put on her brother’s old clothes.

“Fine, I’ll go change,” Alysin said defeatedly. Davin looks back at her through his grin.

“Oh no. If you’re so confident to talk to me in such a way, then lets go to town then shall we? Lets parade my cross dressing daughter!” Davin exclaimed to the family. His eyes were menacing. I hadn’t known there could be another layer to embarrassment, but the mention of being paraded around, knowing it was only to shame her, sent another wave  of embarrassment over her.

Then I recognized a shift happen. I jumped off her shoulder to assess her well being. I looked bewildered at Alysin wondering how it was Sin was able to take over. Then again... I couldn’t hear the cries of pain in her head, not even the pains of embarrassment. Infact, her mind had become completely cool- no, confident! And determined... like suddenly it was a contest to prove to her father that she was worth his love and not to be made a fool.

“Yes father, let us go to town. I would love to see everyone since it’s been so long,” I very confident voice echoed out of her, she putting emphasis on ‘so,’ “Suppose they’d fancy to see this bruise right here on my right arm? Or how about I tell the story of the scar under my jaw?”not to mention her very thin frame and a few other bruises in various stages of healing.

This definitely wasn’t Sin. This person was too confident and bold to be her. By now, Davin’s jaw had tightened again and his fists were balled up.

“Don’t you dare make a fool of me Yrid, for that will be the last thing you ever do!” Davin snarled. He attempted to make a move at Alysin as well but Alysin decided to demonstrate her knife skills by sending a knife into the sleeve of her father’s shirt and pinning it to the cutting board she was working at. Davin with a good jerk ripped his sleeve from the knife’s hold, but Alysin had another quickly in hand, holding it, ready to throw.

“I’m not a little girl anymore father,” Alysin said. She noted her father’s shocked gaze, “Would you like to see another magic trick?”

“You little witch!”

“I believe the term for me is sorcerer,” Davin’s eyes filled with alarm. Even he knew what a sorcerer was capable of doing. Alysin sensed his fear, “Don’t worry father. Unlike what you think of me, I’m not a murderer. I just want you to know you don’t own me. You never have, you never will,” then Alysin had a wicked, I mean, brilliant idea. An idea I’ve mused about ever since she was able to cook my hunts. With a smile across her face she stated, “In fact father... good bye.”

Alysin went invisible causing Mayrid to shriek in surprise and Davin to scrambling for the knife in the cutting board. He threw it blindly only to hit the wall since Alysin had already made it to the door. I quickly caught up and leaped up her back to my usual perch on her shoulders.

The day was still very young, maybe mid morning. Davin was out the front door cursing his daughter’s name and threatening her to come back. For once though, Alysin didn’t have any feeling of regret. She was determined to leave. She knew she had the skills to survive and she was out to find a new home in which she would be welcomed in.

So, where to Alysin? I asked.
Why Lomisc Jiji. I think performing sounds like a lot of fun, she informed me. I looked forward to this next segment of life. For once, maybe we could feel safe and not have to hide so much. To be admired and welcomed. I mused on this while we walked, but not before she said, Oh, and the name’s Van.

Chapter 4: Familiar Me

Chapter 4 Familiar Me

Alysin continued to pet me as we enjoyed the warmth of the summer light filling her room. It was easy to feel how excited she was for it to be her birthday. It was as though yesterday never happened though I could see her damaged hand being carefully protected against her chest.

It was easy to drift back to sleep. During this moment of sleep I had a dream. It was brief, but some of the things stood out to me. A cat was walking around and somehow I knew it to be my mother. I followed her hearing ‘Jiji’ being called over and over again. It was as though the voice saying Jiji was trying to lure me away.

My mother looked back at me but as she did the river got hold of her. I ran after her, listening to Jiji being yelled louder. I tried to keep my focus on my mother, but the more I tried, the farther she got. Amidst her thrashing in the current, I realized I wasn’t calling out for my mother anymore. Instead I found myself running after Alysin, determined to save her from her watery state. Once I made it to her, I find Alysin is sitting calmly on the grass next to the water, unphased by what just transpired.

I woke from my nap to Alysin still petting me. I was feeling disoriented with the vividness of the dream, still trying to discern whether it was real or had any meaning to it. Then Alysin suddenly sat straight up. A big smile was on her face as she looked at me. Something big was on her mind though I couldn’t think what could possibly be so exciting since nothing has happened since waking up. But the round eyes all aglow seemed to suggest it was important.

“Tokbiyus!” she whispered. For a moment I was confused who she was talking to. That’s when it clicked. The dream, for reasons unknown, reminded me of my name... well the one I had as an ownerless kitten. I suddenly missed that name. A pang of loneliness whelmed me at the faded memories of those whom my name was known by. Yet how odd it was that I was suddenly remembering all of this.

Alysin seemingly about to burst continued, “I... I have this idea that just came to me! I can’t explain it... But I’ll show you.”

There was a second click. Moments after Alysin picked me up and placed her forehead on mine, it was as though I was listening to a key in the door turn. It was slow. But the distinct click at the end of turning a lock to unlock a door rang in my ears. I didn’t know what to think. In fact, I didn’t have to think. It was as though a floodgate was opened upon my mind. Alysin’s voice came flooding in, in some sort of nonsensical language I couldn’t understand.

Then silence fell over my mind. Her hand gently let go of me and I looked at my person who seemed in a daze of wonder as she stared at me. I pawed my head, trying to make it look like I was cleaning myself, but with my eyes closed I could see myself! Clear as day. Like I was looking at one of those mirrors! It was me. As soon as I saw this I felt myself open my eyes and there was Alysin before me once more.

Amazing isn’t it Tokbiyus? Alysin said. Only her mouth was closed... and Tokbiyus still had a weird ring about it. Alysin seemed to catch my thoughts.

Why does Tokbiyus bother you? Alysin asked.

It was a dream I had that reminded me of my name, I began. I then relayed the dream to her. It was vulnerable feeling having this sudden connection to her. What all was she able to hear? Every minuet thought or just was was directly being thought... I suppose I don’t have anything to hide, but I felt as though I was to have no privacy now, she being in my head now.

Well, Jiji, sorry to have caused such confusion for the past few years... but does it seem right to start calling you Jiji since I’ve called you Tokbiyus for so long. I mean, I feel kinda weird suddenly calling you that, Alysin said.

At least you have no one else to explain the name change to, right?

Just Aly. I’m sure she’ll adjust.

Amidst our mental chit chat, there was a knock on her bedroom door. We both jumped, I hearing distinctly a panicked thought of ‘Dad?’ and a side thought to turn me invisible. Luckily it was just Othello. Though he couldn’t see me now, I watched him come in with a jar of something in his hand.

“Hey,” he said cautiously, not quite sure how to address her, “Probably should have done this last night, but... you seemed content to be alone.” He sat down next to Alysin. His face hardened as he saw the damage done to his sister’s hand. It was obvious he was conflicted. Here he was 13 years of age, adolescence setting in, and debating the options to estrange himself from his father for his cruelty or to keep the peace with him as the cost of his sister.

Whatever those young, yet aged eyes, hid from our understanding, Othello began to place the contents of the jar onto Alysin’s burnt hand. She only reacted once, the screams in her head louder than what she actually let out, but it was apparent that whatever he was applying to her burns was extremely effective. Her pain eased, if not completely gone. Othello then wrapped her hand in a white, porous fabric.

“Here’s hoping that’ll heal up real fast.”

“Yeah...” Alysin responded. I knew now she was embarrassed by what had happened last night. Not between her and Othello, but between her and Davin. I was about to respond with a thought of repulsion, but something else crept in and beat me to it.

Don’t you dare feel bad about that! someone said. I looked around then back to Alysin to see if she heard what I heard. Her eyes were glazed over, in deep thought and it became apparent as the voice continued that it was coming from within Alysin’s head,  If that’s what 8 years of life with this man brings, what will another 8 lead to? You know you have the power to kill him-

No! I could hear Alysin yell back at this new presence, He is still my father... she defended, He’s just lost. He’ll come around someday. Apologize for all his wrongs... we just need to be patient...

..You’re being idiotic! I don’t want to be a martyr to your ridiculous belief that your father will see the error of his choices! You know he’ll never change!

It was haunting to listen to. It was a dark entity. Something evil that I never knew was there until now...

Don’t mind her Jiji. She’s always wanting to do bad things. I won’t let her. Alysin tells me, trying to assure me that she was the one in control.

I wish we had more time to ourselves. There was so much I wanted to ask. Does she know of Sin? Is that evil voice just another imaginary friend like Aly? Does Alysin already know the questions I have? If she does, she gives them no notice mentally or verbally since Othello now is talking about taking her out today. Davin is already in the midst of celebrating the anniversary of him being a widower, at the tavern in town.

“I think getting out would be good for you,” Othello continued. Alysin snorted.

“Have you noticed the bruises and my hand as of late?” she questioned. Othello rolls his eye though they are panged knowing the state his sister is in.

“Okay. How about instead of going to town here, lets go to Lomisc?” Alysin’s jaw dropped in disbelief, “The day is still young. Dad won’t be home until Mayrid goes and drags him off of some poor woman... sorry,” Othello tagged on seeing Alysin’s eyes hurt at the thought of their father being unfaithful. Let alone he sometimes forgets that his sister is just 8. Only 8 years of life and it’s as though she’s lived 3 different lives already.

“How is it you care about father so much still?” Othello asked.

“Suppose the same way you still do,” Alysin responded. Othello pondered long and hard on how to respond. It was true though. Alysin did care for her father still. Like a true saint. Just waiting to be accepted and apologized to and then everything would be cured. Cured... as though all of this was just some bad illness.

Othello though, like I mentioned earlier, was torn. He loved his sister. Yet the idea of being on the receiving side of his father’s hate was almost as unbearable as his sister being abused.

I figured with the time he put into thinking about a response he would have said something. Instead he stood up and got his sister to her feet.

“Common little sister. You have a birthday to celebrate.”

“Should I go invisible?”

“And make me look like a crazy person talking to myself, no thank you.”

Alysin couldn’t help but smile. The whole hour trip from the little town of Taibujlon to the majestic city of Lomisc was a fanfare of jokes and giggles along the way.

Lomisc was a bustling city. People were out and about going who knows where, chatting as they walked and taking in the sights and sounds that performers and merchants were making. The building were clean and magnificent compared to the dusty village we had just come from. It was no wonder Alysin was so excited to go when Othello mentioned Lomisc for her birthday.

Othello kept his sister close to him, holding her good hand and leading the way to various street performers. I held tight to the nap of her neck, being as cautious as I could be with my claws while occasionally being jostled by a passing person.

Alysin’s head was a whirl of amazement. We kept a mental conversation going as we took in the sights. Alysin would point out all true magicians and mention how funny it was that they had to use a ‘magic’ word to cast their spells. To her magic was just part of her being. Never once had she uttered a 'magic' word to do what she does.

One of the street performers called out for Alysin to join him front and center. Othello encouraged her to have fun and kept with in eye shot as his sister approached the magician. He was different from the others. He was more charismatic and with in a few seconds already had Alysin confessing it was her birthday. I felt uneasy with him. I believe it was due to how convincingly he looked me in the eyes though I could swear I was invisible.

"Ladies and gentlemen! As we've heard it's Alysin's birthday! Lets say we surprise her with a gift from home?" the magician chimed. The uneasiness increased for nothing from home could be considered a gift. "Now tell me Alysin, would you believe me if I said you have a cat on your shoulders?"

"Yes," Alysin said though in her head I could see how curious she was about him knowing I was there. The audience gave a soft chuckle. The magician asked the crowd asked if they would believe it. Of course they laughed a 'No!' at him. Unfazed by their response and knowing they are now anticipating him to reveal this cat he's hinting at., the magician just said,

"How about now?" I felt 20 eyes suddenly look to me in shock as I became visible.

Alysin, wanting to be a crowd pleaser, acted surprised by the revelation of a cat on her shoulders and as though her faith in the magician proved to have made that possible. The audience applauded and the magician announced he was taking an hour break and that he'd be back with more astounding tricks for them to witness. But before he disappeared he mentioned to Alysin, "How rare to find a young sorceress with a familiar in my presence. Thanks for helping put on a good show," he reached down, purposely taking Alysin's wrapped hand, clasping it between both of his (giving it a gentle shake) and with that winked and walked away.

Sorceress? I asked Alysin. She was gone in a sea of aw. She knew she could do things that most folk couldn't, but wasn't sure what class of mage she'd be. For what she knew, a sorceress was top of the mage ranks. The evil part of her was right saying she has power. But other than creating fire and turning things invisible, what else could her mind tap into to create? However her mind wasn't able to linger long on the subject for Othello was by our side moments after the magician had left.

Before we knew it, the time had come for us to go home if we were to have our absence go unnoticed. It had been an eventful birthday and Alysin would miss that day until the next time she was able to return to the splendid city of Lomisc.

By the time they were walking back into the house from the barn (Othello had a pony we used for travel... not a source of transportation I would recommend), Alysin's stomach gave a good growl. All the excitement of the day had blinded us both from the pangs of hunger, let alone neglecting the need to eat. Unsure whether it was due to the stomach growl or that fact it was almost dinner time, Othello quickly maneuvered in front of Alysin with his hands behind his back.

"Now what would a birthday be with out a sweet?" he asked and brought out before him a frosted pastry with a giant pink flower on top. Alysin beamed at such a rare treat. Every year Othello had some kind of treat for Alysin's birthday, but I suppose going to Lomisc was assumed to be the gift this year. How excited Alysin was.

She inhaled the sweet smell of the pastry and took a very controlled lick of the frosting, knowing how her head was reeling in the simple pleasure of the sugary food.

"I love you Othello! Thanks for a great birthday," Alysin said giving her brother a hug.

As luck would have it, a breeze kicked up, and the foul smell of alcohol filled my nose. Registering my thoughts, Alysin's hand was to me, turning me back invisible. Her body got ridged and Othello knew that frozen posture his sister would take when in the presence of her father. He whipped around, trying to shield Alysin, seeing if all was well with their father.

"Wasting your hard earned money on her I see," Davin said bitterly. Othello looked down not wanting to look at his father in his current condition.

"I thought a man can do what he wants with the hard earned money he makes," Othello responded. Davin scoffed at him.

"I didn't mean on someone who killed you mother."

"Father, you know she's not responsible for that."

"Is that what she's told you? Put some kind of spell on you? I know she's a witch! The damn child got your mother's talents! Stole them from her in her final gasps of life I bet!"

"Father! You're drunk! Get inside and lay down," Othello ordered, attempting to go help his father in. Davin waved his arms out of his son's grasp and threw a bottle I hadn't realized he was holding onto at the door. Alysin's heart skipped a beat when that happened, her being only a couple of feet away. In her head I could hear a familiar voice saying, "what aw we going to do? Tuwn invisible? No, not wight now..." yet Alysin's face kept calm despite her 5 year old self panicking. It was the first time I realized how much of a child she still was. Still scared. Still insecure. Still longing for her father's affection.

"Othello! Othello," Davin sounded almost as though  he was pleading, "my boy, don't blind yourself. Remember who killed your mother." Othello bit his lip. His eyes were deep in thought as he now daringly stared his father down. He walked back to Alysin, trying to shield her once more.

"The only thing I see right now is a drunk man loathing an 8 year old girl who had the misfortune of being born to you! You're the one blinded from what is your own flesh and blood!"

Davin, though staggering drunk, suddenly struck out with great accuracy, knocking Othello across his face with his fist. The force sent Othello backward into Alysin. I lept off Alysin knowing she was going down. I felt something shift in Alysin's head as I landed on my feet, my broken toe reminding me of it's existence (I had been riding on Alysin's shoulder all day and hence why I forgot about my injury).

You've got to be kidding me! Two days in a row I get injured!? I heard Sin say. I listened for Alysin, seeing if like that evil entity and the child still inside her if it was just Sin talking and not in control. But there was no response.

Sin? I asked cautiously.

Who else can take the pain Jiji? My heart sank. I did not like Sin... yet it was my person. Quite possibly Alysin would come back like she did this morning. Until then, I was able to find out she fell on a glass shard that seemed to embed itself deep into Sin's elbow. Talk about rotten luck. For the first time Othello is the one receiving the abuse (Davin has now given a few choice kicks as he continued to try and talk sense into his boy) yet here Sin is, getting hurt in the cross fire. Why did we have to leave Lomisc?

Davin feeling like he made his point to his son glared back at his daughter. Seeing her bleeding was very enjoyable to him, the smile on his face suggesting that. Sin glared back as she pulled the shard out of her elbow. No one but me could hear the scream of pain, she didn't want to give Davin the satisfaction of tears.

"Well, since you're finally a big girl and aren't crying or blubbering away, clean this mess up before I or your mother get hurt," he ordered.

Come one Sin, the evil entity spoke, kill him. He's drunk, makes him an easy fight, she mused. Sin definitely found that thought to be very tempting.

No Delia, death would be so easy for him. 8 years of pain I have. He ought to suffer like myself, Sin responded.

Then do something!

How about this, Sin stood up and looked Davin in the eyes."No," Sin said defiantly before turning invisible. Davin's eyes widened with fear. He stumbled backward, tripping over Othello who was just beginning to pull himself up. Unfortunately for him the got him another kick for being in the way.

Sin was still standing next to me and I could hear her laughing at the sight of her father for once, being frightened by her.

Very clever, Delia said sarcastically, just wait until he sees your pretty face again.

Nope, by morning, all this will be a hazy dream. I might suffer a few days without food, but that's nothing new. I bet he'll apologize to Othello too. You watch and see.

Chapter 3:The Manifestation of Sin

Chapter 3 The Manifestation of Sin

As the days go by, little changes happens in the atmosphere of the home. Alysin is continually abused verbally and physically on what felt like a daily basis. Yet somehow she and I continued to grow. I reached my adolescent days and with it came better instincts on hunting. I would like to think I was an excellent hunter, but I know Alysin kept me invisible 90% of the time so she wouldn’t risk her parents seeing me with her.

I would bring home rodents and birds for us. However, at first, they were my source of food. Alysin never seemed interested in trying the catches I made, probably because they were small, uncooked and still had every piece of them intact. But as hunger set in, and she turned 7, she began to experiment behind the house with making fire. It was quite amazing. She didn’t need anything I remember folk using nor exerted any effort to creating it. After a minute or two of concentration, she’d have a small fire going.

By this time I was able to catch small rabbits and squirrels with my adult body. I’m forbidden to hunt the chickens, though it’s tempting since they are penned and closer to the house than the woods and the grain silo with it’s abundance of mice. But I respectfully keep my distance from temptation since it could easily reflect on her if I gave in.

Othello helped teach Alysin how clean the animals I caught (he being about 12 and helps his father out when he goes hunting or kills a chicken for dinner). At first she was squeamish about plucking and skinning the little things, but soon Alysin began to do it on her own and would then would roast the catch on a metal rod over her fire. Othello was an endearing brother. Despite all the time he spent helping his sister out behind the house, he never expected his sister to share and even refused the times she offered him some of her food. He was obviously favored of their father and looked worlds healthier than his sister.

I still don’t know if he knows of my presences, but I’m grateful she at least has one ally in the family to help her get by. I’m sure he’s happy to see her being resourceful, though I get a glimpse from him that her starting fires with practically nothing is slightly unnerving for him.

Then, in the summer of her 8th birthday, curiosity got the better of Alysin. She began to start following me on my hunts, which was disastrous.

“Look Tokbiyus! A rabbit!” Aly would yell excitedly.

“Shhh!!! You scared it away!” Alysin snapped at her make believe friend, equally as noisy though she tried to whisper it (and yes Alysin learned to say her R’s). Of course I knew the rabbit was there, but now I got to watch it hop away even though it had no visual clues of our being there.

After that moment, it was very apparent at how loud Alysin was in just her walking. Aly kept making outbursts, feeling compelled to point out all the wildlife that I could hunt despite my capability (‘Look! There’s a deer all the way over there!’). If only I had a way to communicate my need for quiet.

After 4 days of catching nothing (a day or two in between catches is normal for me), and Alysin’s long absences beginning to be noticed, my little human suggested that she’d have to stop going out with me one morning. As much as I love her, I was grateful. I was not enjoying reliving the first few months of my life when I first came across her. 4 days of scraps was almost unbearable. How did I survive to be able to let instincts teach me to hunt? Or was it hunger that fed my instincts to hunt?

With rejuvenated enthusiasm to being alone while hunting, I began my search for food. It wasn’t long until I tracked a few mice scurrying past the grain silo. My hunger overwhelmed any thought of sharing, but once I had a decent fill and had rested a moment, I began my search once more to take back to Alysin.

The sun was beginning to set when I brought home a squirrel. I sneaked behind the house giving soft meows, loud enough that Alysin would hear me but not so loud that potentially a different family member would come out to discover me. Shortly Alysin was there with a bright smile to see me with a good catch. She took the squirrel with one hand and gave me a good pet.

After giving the squirrel a decent skinning, Alysin quickly made a fire and began to roast the squirrel over the open flame. However, I wish I could say this was a wonderful first meal in 4 days, but alas, I hadn’t taken into account that I had come home later than I usually would. I know it was my selfish needs that overrided my senses to care for my little human, but if I had known the consequences of my thoughtlessness, I would have acted differently. Been more protective of her knowing she’d feed me too.

Alysin had barely begun to cook the squirrel when Mayrid’s voice made us both jump.

“Why on earth child is there a fire back here!?” Mayrid shrieked. Alysin whirls around wide eyed and already filled with fear. She has the partially cooked squirrel behind her back as she steps back away from the fire. Mayrid in her haze of panic continues to shout fire and for a bucket of water. This then brings Davin, and right behind him Othello, to the back. Othello, knowing the seriousness of the situation, quickly jumped over the the small fire and stomped it out with little effort.

“Mayrid it’s out,” Othello announced. Mayrid’s crazed eyes and heavy breathing suddenly vanished once she reappeared in the door with a basin of water. She looked over to where the fire was and an embarrassed look swept across her face as she realized how frantic over a small fire she was.

“Alysin, just stomp out the fire if you ever come across one that small,” Othella said, trying to make it seem like an accident that Alysin happened to come across the fire. Unfortunately, Davin was more wickedly observant than the boy could have wanted.

“Boy, don’t play her like she’s innocent. What’s behind your back Yrid?” he demanded. Alysin, still wide eyed, clutched the rod with the squirrel on it more tightly. It was obvious she was debating whether to attempt a lie, yet knowing if she failed whatever was to come maybe worse. I thought about why it was she hadn’t turned the evidence invisible, but now with all eyes trained on her, it would be futile for her to try.

Alysin’s lip began to quiver and tears spilled out before she could stop herself. Yet somehow as soon as the first few tears welled up and over, she shook her head, wiped her eyes, then more calmly looked at her father.

“I found it and was trying to cook it,” Alysin confessed partly. She showed the skewered squirrel to the family and went to give it to her father. Davin looked it over, then at the fire  that still smoldered some.

“And after you cooked it, what then?”

Alysin tugged at the hem of her shirt knowing there was no getting around trouble. Another tear escaped that she quickly brushed away. Davin walked right up to Alysin and bent over to look her right in the face before saying more menacingly, “What. Then?”

“Eat it,” She choked out now unable to hold back the dam of tears. Faster than I thought humanly possible, Davin grabs a fistful of his daughter’s hair, craning her head back.

“The nerve you have! To make a fire that could have gone out of control! To withhold food from your family! Have you ever thought that maybe it’s your own selfish choices that brings all this punishment on you!?” Davin yelled at his crying daughter. His face was red with fury that seemed unjust. He, of all, ought to know how little he feed her. If it weren’t for me hunting or Othello and on those nights when her stomach was still hungry, her going invisible to sneak more food, Alysin most likely would have withered away by now. But Davin blinded by deeper hate for his daughter, somehow, killing her mother, began to drag her back into the house.

“So, since you can’t remember to follow the rules and have now decided to play with fire,” we’ve entered the kitchen, in which Davin jerks Alyin to the floor and puts a glove on before reaching into the wood stove to bring out a red hot stick, “then, Yrid, lets give you something to remember. When you play with fire,” he takes Alysin’s left hand and encloses it around the burning embers on the stick, in which shrieks emit from her mouth, “you- get- burned!”

The scream was haunting. I was blinded with my own hate for the man that I revealed myself by jumping onto Davin’s head since he had to crouch down to burn Alysin’s hand. In that moment of blind rage, I scratched and bit with all the energy I had. To do to him what years of pain has done to her.

Davin, surprised by my invisible force, hollered in pain and relatively quickly had his hands around me, throwing me across the room. I’m not sure what I hit, but I landed on my feet all wrong and heard something pop. I could hear his feet stomping toward me. As my eyes focused in on him, I saw that his foot was rising to squash me. Immediately I was on my feet and out the back door faster than they could say ‘adrenalin.’

I was shocked that the man suddenly could see me. I was so sure that I would be able to cause him pain at not risk to my life that I’d be able to go right back to Alysin once I had my share of tormenting him. Instead I cower behind the corner of the house feeling my heartbeat out of my chest and listening to Davin come to the back door. He quickly retreats but I can easily hear him threatening to kill me if he ever saw me again.

I can still hear the cries of Alysin and yearn to return to her side. Davin, being in pain as well, shouts to her, “stop that crying or I’ll burn your mouth next!” I can hear her choke on a few gulp of air as she attempts to calm herself from what I can only assume to be blinding pain. Then suddenly she is quiet. I can’t make out any sound from her mouth, not even a breath.

I had to get to her. I had to go see what was wrong. Why was she silent? I began to move toward the back door only to find terrible pain in my right front paw. The slightest pressure on it sent waves of pain through my leg. Still, I risked squeezing through the back door, a soft squeak escaping the hinges. I didn’t make it far when around the corner came Othello with Alysin in his arms.

We look at each other stunned, I unsure whether to stay or run. Othello looks back down the hall he just came. He then bends down.

“Come on, before dad sees you,” he whispers to me. I jump up on my little human, balancing as Othello stands straight and begins to take us up the flight of stairs. He’s 13 now and is begin to fill out some. He doesn’t seem to be phased by the 50 pounds he must be carrying.

I was pleased to feel the warm body under me and too see Alysin blink her eyes occasionally as we made our assent upstairs. But even though she was alive, I could tell Alysin was worlds away.

Othello carefully lays his sister out on her bed. He then leaves, but returned quickly with water in a bowl. He places Alysin’s hand into the water. I look to her face and find no change, no acknowledgement that she felt anything different. She just laid there, gone in her mind somewhere.

“I’ll try and bring you something to eat later,” Othello whispered as he began to get up to go.

“Don’t worry about. I’ll be fine,” Alysin said indifferently.

“Alys-” her brother began to say.

“Sin,” it would have seemed she finished his sentence, but with the silence, Alysin explained. “Just call me Sin for now. For obviously that is what is the cause of all this pain. I’ve sinned for killing mother and therefore my life is to be hell.”

Othello looked on at his sister. Her eyes were glazed over, still looking like she was miles away, yet here she was... well Sin anyways.

“It wasn’t your fault Alysin-”

“Sin!”

“Sin, it wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault you were borned. From what I remember, we all looked forward to your arrival. It... just through us all off guard when your birth for some reason was too much for mom’s body to handle and she died.”

Sin remained silent. I however wanted to hear more and was glad when Othello continued to try and make his sister feel better.

“I even hated you, but to be honest, you look a lot like mom and grandma explained it best. She had to take care of me and you for a few days while dad mourned. Actually, a few months. When she saw my resentment of you, she told me that it wasn’t your fault. How babies are incapable of such a terrible thing. She told me it was mother’s body who wasn’t strong enough to endure the pains that came with birth a second time.”

Still silence.

“She told me I was the best thing for you and needed to do my best to protect you from the evils in the world.”

“A lot of good you’ve done,” Sin lashes back. Othello holds his tongue. Even he can see that his best hasn’t been enough.

“I’m sorry,” Othello manages to say, “Just remember. You don’t deserve any of what dad does to you. For whatever reason, he seems to still be mourning for mother. I wish words could reach him, but lately it’s only beer and women who seem to soothe his hatred.”

Sin sits straight up and for the first time I, and possibly even Othello, have ever seen on her face was anger. Recognition washes over Othello’s face knowing he said too much.

“He’s having affairs?” she asks. Othello looks away, seeming embarrassed to have delivered such news.

“Don’t seem too surprised by it. Dad is not discrete, and I believe that to be why Mayrid hates us. Because she’s tied down to a guy who can’t love anyone ever again,” Othello explains. That was news to me, but as I reflect, Othello would get slapped and verbally abused when Davin wasn’t home. Still, Othello’s abuse would seem a vacation compared to Alysin’s.

“He loves you,” Sin accused. Othello can’t make a reply back for it’s true. If there was anything he loved slightly more or less than the alcohol and women, it was Othello. A spitting image of his father. He has been fed well and goes out around town while Alysin was kept home to tend the house and keep a low profile. Othello goes to school while they try to keep Alysin dumb. But even Othello sees to that when he can. Teaching her what he knows.

“Good night- Sin... I hope you feel better soon,” he says. He gets up and leaves the room. Sin lifts her hand out of the bowl of water and places the partially blackened and blistered hand down next to her.

I stay curled up by Sin’s feet. The whole conversation to me was relieving, yet scary. It’s good to know that it was because of childbirth her mother died and not an actual attempt by Alysin.

What was frightening though was how negative she was. How controlled she seems to be of the pain that must be racking her body. Her near 8 year old face seemed so much older now as it remained blank and emotionless.

I crawled cautiously along her body, hoping I wouldn’t surprise her, worried she might turn on me in this odd state of hers. As I nudged her good hand, she jerked it up but then relieved to see it was me, beckoned me to curl up closer.

“I see you have a limp Tokbiyus,” she whispered without the normal sympathetic tone, “Welcome to the club.”

We sit in silence for a while. I can hear down stairs a conversation beginning. Though all the words are unclear to me about what they are saying, I pick up Alysin’s name, and so did Sin.

“Alysin isn’t here any more people,” Sin muttered. I looked quizzically at her. She sighed before continuing, “Tokbiyus, Alysin was too weak to handle this much pain. She’s just a little girl and since her father was threatening to burn her mouth too, I had to step in for her. I will bear her pain since she is damned by her father for the rest of her miserable existence. Maybe I’ll be lucky and get an infection and die that way. Or perhaps I’ll starve first.

“Either way, I can handle this pain far better than her, and sometime soon I will free us from this body ridden with pain,” Sin explains to me matter factly. My heart sinks. She has given up on living. The times of us together was not enough for her. The joy I may have brought can never outweigh the pain that must constantly course through her small frame.

I give a soft meow, resting my head on her chest wishing somehow she might change her mind before death comes to take her away. Sin looks at me and interprets my meow for something completely different.

“Oh yeah, you’re visible. But thanks for getting my dad. There’s a part of me who would love to get back at him, but if I do, I want to make sure he suffers the same way I did,” Sin informs me. I don’t feel so heroic any more for hurting her father, but I remain by her side. She gave me pet on my head and a familiar, faint sensation coursed through my body, indicating I was invisible now.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Sin remained silent. I withheld my purrs from her. Soon the sun was setting the room a glow. I could hear Sin’s soft breaths indicating she was still asleep. She let out a soft hum as though she was having a happy thought.

I quietly sit up and immediately remember my paw. I lick it carefully to see if I could figure out the source of the pain. It turned out to be one of my toes, but I have no idea what to do with it.

Sin rolls over, her burnt hand falling onto the bed next to me. Sin’s eyes shoot open and quickly she lifts her hand off the bed and sits up to examine it. The hand still looked charred and blistered and vibrant red from lack of care. Carefully she places it in the bowl of water next to her. Pain registers on her face and she lets out soft words of ‘owie!’

I look at the girl up and down. I am relieved to see her trying to do something about the pain, to have have some emotion back in her face, yet confused for I don’t know who I was looking at yet.

Carefully I nudge her knee as though I was brushing up against her for a scratch. I look into her eyes that search in my general direction. She smiles and pets me though unsure where to look me in the eyes. I let off some purrs happy to see the happy little girl I have come so close to.

“Good morning to you too!” she whispers. I stand up on her knew with my one good paw to butt her face with mine.

“You know what I like best about this morning Tokbiyus?” I look at her though I know she can’t see my questioning eyes, “With what Othello told me last night, maybe today father will stop mourning. It is my birthday after all!” She said excitedly. My heart sinks, that of all days she would hope for her father to love her more would be on the anniversary of her mother’s death... I purr my anxiety to her knowing she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, and it’s not like I could tell her otherwise.

After a few minutes enjoying each other’s company, despite her impossible hopes for her father, I decide to believe Alysin is back. Sin said she was gone, and that it was she who could handle the pain, but the happy, overly optimistic  little girl I see right now is Alysin.  And I hope she stays